| P.S. I have moved |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|12:31 am] |
I think this is only going to be reserved for the days that i feel like being petty and gossipy and saying things that could get me into trouble and cause all the good ol' fun of livejournal mess. This place is already messy enough to handle it.
In the meantime, I'm cleaner now at heleneamherst |
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| It's time to sell the dirty laundry... |
[Jan. 9th, 2004|04:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | exit music for a film | ] |
So I have officially lived a life in almost full secrecy- no one knows the contents of my life in their full entirety at all anymore. Em gets close, as does Mal, but really I have managed to keep quiet. It really hasn't been anything too bad- nothing illegal or disgusting or unethical or wrong. Just quiet, a way I never expected myself to be. For the past year, I've found myself talking alot, never though about my elephant in the room- the thing that no one else will see until I point to it. I feel the words coming, all the time, making their way up to the edge of my tongue and then, when greeted with the opening of my mouth, they are bulldozed by a multitude of noisy nothings. I'm not sure when how or why I became so timid, but in a way it almost seems like a triumph.
In any case, I think that that part of me is over. I want to be honest again- I want to show people that I love them again. I don't want to relive it, in confessions or vain attempts at redemption through consolation acts or words, but it is time to let it go.
(Thanks to Max) THE END. |
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| and I couldn't believe the tears that formed at such a jaunty angle... |
[Dec. 21st, 2003|03:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | white noise | ] |
it's amazing how these kind of days just hide behind the corners, waiting for the moment to seem truly bright enough so that their shadows will produce just the right amount of dramatic effect. It's like watching someone living in their own dream, rushing to their dearest friend to spill words of truest jubilation from their happy mouth with shining eyes and dancing hands... and then watching them skip merrily away, across the street, only to get completely butchered by a 7 a.m. druck driver. |
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| Baby it's cold outside |
[Dec. 16th, 2003|03:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Armstrong and Middleton | ] |
It's been a very Meg day. I feel like I'm living in some strange blur- like one of them is the comfortable, nice, home-feeling and the other is like the indescribable affinity that you wait for all your life. It's so Sleepless in Seattle.
To Do:
Finals
Christmas shopping/making gifts
paint
Prepare for LONDON
I wish I didn't have to come back. |
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| What's your soap opera name? |
[Dec. 1st, 2003|10:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jude | ] |
To Ms. Meredith Rutherglenn,
I was under a sudden and rather strong period of nostalgia the other day where I felt an inclination to miss you terribly. That longing has not ceased (as most things do with time) but in fact multiplied quite rapidly. I feel as though my life is less than complete now that it has been a good number of years since you and a certain forgetful girl would traipse around my kitchen with bits of canned corn in her hands. Where is my beautiful Rinny with whom I spent countless sleepless nights to be greeted with perfect morning picnics on the grassy knoll in my front yard (donuts have never tasted quite the same).
:sigh:
love,
Helene Amherst |
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| Yay for Rabbit food on Turkey day |
[Nov. 27th, 2003|11:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hilary duff on the Tv "I'm a bird or something that fell.."? | ] |
Happy day to you all..
I am letting my newly dyed hairs (thanks emilimellow) dry while I wait on the outcome of my possible catastrophic pumpkin chiffon pies. Am a little worried as one of them is supposed to help me play the part of the girlfriend when I go to Jo Jo's this afternoon for Thanksgiving meal number 2. No luck convincing the family for tofurkey this year-- can't say if I'm disappointed or relieved. So I will be enjoying the usual Feast of the Starches as I have come to know it for these past three years as a veggie monger.
Went to help out with my grandmother's church's annual gingerbread house decoration preperation-- I actually got blisters from opening all those candy wrappers. It was like walking into Walgreens right before Halloween and tearing through all 8 million of their individually wrapped caramels, chocolates, jelly beans, gum drops, sweet tart, mint patties, kisses, etc. etc. etc. Everyone was so sweet and friendly though, and kept thrusting bits of warm gingerbread into my face (can't say that I complained much).
Watched the Dead Poets society in light of the Holiday Season. Was surprisingly oh-so-appropriate for Tom and I to see together...
He kept eyeing me carefully to make sure I wasn't going to slit my wrists right then and there. I was crying though, which seemed altogether unsettling for him. It was all a little off-set though with Alex there "What's he doing with his mouth, mom?"
To Do:
1. Finish Chocolate souffle and Anglaise creme
2. Check on disaster pies
3. Try to cover up the dried hair dye on my skin
4. Work on the Gorey Tshirts
Off to watch Macy's Parade and then the annual overindulging of A Christmas Story ( I want to marry Ralphie.) |
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| WHEW! |
[Nov. 20th, 2003|12:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Elliot Smith | ] |
So I'm here at a prospective school to spend the night... the third in this week long expedition that my father-figure has set up as an embellishment to future arguments...
Wash U was the first on the list and I have to say that despite all pre-disposed notions to be fully unimpressed, I found myself utterly.....impressed. The campus was fucking beautiful- it felt like the psuedo Cambridge of midland America that more than satisfied my frequent and persistent longing for such an environment...
the atmosphere was of (obvious) collegiate excellence, and, contrary to traditional ensuing presumptions, the student body was far from pretentious. The people were surprisingly friendly, and absolutely beautiful- it was like the intelligent hotbed for would-be super models whose careers were put on hold due to impressive intellects.
The only disappointment I suppose was the (workable) freshmen art foundations course- it was... less than on par with the training PVA has given us. But the Photo Head was AMAZING. He gave me an impromptu and in depth two-hour chat that left me feeling quite comfortable and inspired all at once. He was like this super-animated Mr. Sheard that I can foresee as an indispensable mentor. hmm,,,
Then there was MICA. JESUS> that school is just beyond words. Baltimore is amazing- it is typical and atypical in the best of both senses- it has that amazing old-english style architecture with that contemporary mix of a flourishing arts community that provides for the most inspiring and ecclectic mix of people that I have ever met.
The people were equally as beautiful and friendly as were those of Wash U- but in an entirely different way. I met many of the people featured in their catalogues and was able to participate in 3 photo crits- a landscape class, alternative processes class (where Katie Weymouth and I met up) and a digital concepts class (with an extremely attractive teacher). They were all really interested in what I was doing and where I was from- I've never felt more at home in any new place in all of my life.
The interview was also INCREDIBLE- the admissions officer that i met with stayed in with me for about 3 hours just talking about my work and where I am going with everything. She approved my portfolio (!!!!) and then brought in Tom to try and kiss his ass for the sake of my admission and then his approval. It turns out that she came from a very similar situation as me so we connected in that sense and she seemed pretty interested in helping me as much as possible. God I love that school.
And I can see Eric there so clearly- He would flourish there in ways that I can't even explain. It's so HIM. And the more I work and the more I see the clarity in where I'm going and what i'm becoming I can see me there too. Thats why this interview was so different from the previous one- I brought in work that I haven't shown anyone yet and they all seemed to be very impressed. I feel good- I feel like the work I'm getting into has been such a huge step outside of my usual inhibitions that i get stuck in- fears of cliches, fears of discovery and of experimentation.... I'm done with that. Now I'm fully aware of what i'm really interested in and I'm definately more comfortable with it now. That was my biggest problem- self acceptance. So Here I Go. |
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| Ms. Sourpuss’ Morning Cappuccino |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|02:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Built to Spill | ] |
So with plastic hair drawn back
(in old fashions Highest Regards)
and your pretty fortune displayed
on each carefully bony finger
, even your frail voice
commands the eye of every faceless crowd
when you delicately place your
specific order
to the darling across the counter |
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| "To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." |
[Nov. 12th, 2003|05:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hummm hum hummmy hum | ] |
As I have been inspired lately to make lists of confessions, life-goals and truest desires, I will succumb to that and nigate the usual trend of plot summary and trivial ranting for the evening.
Yes, you are welcome.
The Top 4 Confessions of My Life's Goals and Truest Desires:
1. I would like to one day possess the confidence to wear a loud purple coat and carry a long, gold tipped cigarette as I cavort around a public location having perfectly meaningless conversation with innocent passerby.
2. I hope to one day be important enough to say exactly what I think and either get immediate unconditional praise or unmitigated grief.
"Praise makes me humble, but when I am abused I know I have touched the stars."
3. Someday I hope to sleep in until noon and wake up lazily with the only pressing item on the agenda concerning the presence of a comma in my latest and greatest masterpiece of contemporary literature.
4. One day I will host an extravagant dinner party with an extended and exclusive list for only those who I have never met before in my entire life.
In short, I would like to be Oscar Wilde. |
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| the old man I watch every sunday afternoon |
[Nov. 5th, 2003|10:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jude | ] |
Sitting shortly in the comfort of his chair,
One anxious arm
Made to look blissfully recumbent
To the side that gets the most natural of downward glances:
I catch the time-clad wrist turning
One too many times
And a face that holds (a painful place of fiercest calm)
Trying all the while
To show that he is easy
Free of hands- look and see-
Yet wrist swaying still
Rapping aptly tipped his fingers
And anxious circles form around
A sweaty (now-empty)) glass of wait
And sweat is also
On the brow
With a strength that aims to keep his tired face
From folding into worries
I wonder now if this will ever end
As I see him wheel in to his anticipated post
The same again
The same
Not a person he’ll meet eyes with
before he wheels home. |
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| !!!!!!!!! |
[Oct. 30th, 2003|08:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "..and don't you come back no more no more no more NO MORE!" | ] |
ALL OF MY HAIRS ARE GONE |
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| jeremiah was a bullfrog... |
[Oct. 29th, 2003|09:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 3 dog night | ] |
procrastinating by looking through old journals. so many pages of transient emotion. feeling a little trite. and proud. i didn't know i really had a heart like that.
help with the lyrics if you know them (no one does so far)
"if i was the king of the world
i'll tell you what i'd do
i'd throw away the cars and the........................................................................................
and make sweet love to you"
i'll give you a cookie. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2003|08:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Down with Love (in the background) | ] |
birthday was fantastic:
got cuppycakes from cuppycake queen j.will
got "all about us book" from emmie poo
got crown from sarah
got mix tape from lyndon
beautiful bearded boyfriend came to lunch with more sprinkle cuppycakes made by him and carol the night before (along with strange carol variation of a birthday card)
went home with mina where i got a call from
mallory
sophia
damion
erik
jeff
g-pa and g-ma
kate
nava
then dinner with mina, caro, jordan (who gave me HP scarf and beanie!), emmie poo, g-parents, mom, tom and chris)
all truly great fun.
then today i saw my gov group and we trekked around the RICE library and then went to my house where i tried to make them all fat.
UGH. SO MUCH FUCKING WORK TO GET DONE.
While i'm summarizing and in the mood for lists, here's what i have to do:
ARTS in 3 categories
precal
gov.
english (JESUS, rosa)
photog. paper
prepare for CC interview
research scholarships- find $15,000
all hard to get done when all i want to do is go make out with my beautiful bearded boyfriend. |
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| haha |
[Oct. 18th, 2003|09:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ben hAAWper | ] |
Chris's tooth got knocked out at the show tonight right before the Dropkick Murphys went on.
he was angry and wanted to go back- his social studies teacher was there. |
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| Third Coast can suck my balls |
[Oct. 16th, 2003|10:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nava | ] |
maybe tomorrow will be better with MICA being there...
I'd love to just do early decision and be done with all the arguing. i just want to go to balitmore and start over. trees turn colors there in the fall. can you believe it?
i don't know anything except that i would be nuts if i didn't have my emilimellow.
we loves her oh yes we does... |
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| Hello friends |
[Oct. 15th, 2003|06:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nava's band | ] |
i feel emotionally recumbent, like my whole life has decided to lie down and take a long nap. nothing is working- no part of me wants to stand up and say, "i am here! i am free!"
instead i've reached this sort of sleepy state of uselessness. usually it would be just something to get through, just something to wake up from and feel rejuvenated. but this is the most inconvenient time. and the deadlines coming up, though in the long term they are illusionary, they still push me back down, with a pressure i can't match to stand back up again.
other than that, i had a very interesting conversation about nuns and sex today. |
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